At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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