Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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