Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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