Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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