I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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