u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
