It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
