my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
