I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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