I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
