We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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