Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
