weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
