After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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