I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
