Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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