I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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