I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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