my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
