Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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