I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
