Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
