Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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