He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
