She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
