i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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