There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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