I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
