He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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