More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
