I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
