Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
