I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
