Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pappa wants mamma naked
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
