Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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