jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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