so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
