I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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