I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
