I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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