Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
