I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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