Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
