Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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