First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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