We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
