I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
