I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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