my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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