Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
