Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
